dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
you will always have a special place in my vag
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
