her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
