So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
