There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
