The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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