do herpes really smell.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
