When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
