ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
