when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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