I've blown a few things in my day
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
