Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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