I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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