I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
birth control should be required to get into college
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
