i barfeds in our rink
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
