The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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