Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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