Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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