RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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