Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
