Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
