I wannas sexs uuuuu
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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