My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
