Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
is wine microwaveable?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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