i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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