Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
