Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
