Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
