remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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