captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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