a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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