quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
