just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
