If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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