New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
My dick has a subreddit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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