im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
