o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
