the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
