I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I need water and some morals
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
God I need to hump something, right now.
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