We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You are a genius and a whore.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
