Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
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Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
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My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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