I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize