i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?