i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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