3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
