just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
