I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
