but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
