Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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