eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
