1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
