he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
