My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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