glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
