it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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