Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
