youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
