Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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