Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Randomize
