how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
