I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
