I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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