my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
