Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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