Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
