Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
