Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
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That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
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I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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